I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
