Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
