Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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