i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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