went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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