the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Randomize
