you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
