Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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