We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
