wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
