Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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