you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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