dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Umm I'm too high to move.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Two words: blizzard sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
