you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
