U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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