Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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