hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
soo... how was my night?
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