its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
