shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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