oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
