Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
