its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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