can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
