I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize