is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
