She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
