I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize