Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Drunk is a universal language darling
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