My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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