Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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