Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
