I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
