We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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