I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
