I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i drank out of a bidet.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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