Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My ATM looks so different sober.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize