I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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