he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
