I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
