new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
