Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
