No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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