chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
