Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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