All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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