I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
