she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
