belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pants are for mortals
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
