I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
