i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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