Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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