everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
