You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
