Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
