the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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