she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
