I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
