You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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