Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
