He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
