for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
