is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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