I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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