spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
