my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
