I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
