): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
