the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
