Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
